Title: Yoda, Office Assistant
Author: Melrae (melrae@netzero.net)
Archive: Yes for M_A archive all others please ask
Category: Humor
Rating: G
Warnings: This hasn't been Betaed proceed at your own risk.
Summary: Yoda spends a day as an office assistant.
Feedback: Sure
Notes: This plot bunny just came out of no where and bit me last night.
Thanks to the IRC crowd for your help and prodding to get me to post
this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relyn Hothson, the office manager entered her den and found, for lack of
a better description a green troll sitting in the spot that her
assistant Dt'Ritha normally worked at."
"Excuse me who are you and were is Dt'Ritha?"
The green troll looked up from the Galactic Cosmo magazine it was
reading, "Fallen to the Dark Side she has Ms Hothson, Yoda I am. Assist
you today I shall."
Yoda, that name rang a bell, oh Sith, "Jedi Council member Yoda? Why are
you here surely the office pool could supply someone else?"
"Call me not Shirley, Yoda my name is. Budget cuts force many Jedi to
the Coruscant office pool."
I heard a shout from the hall as another Jedi ran down the hall
screaming "Master Qui-Gon save me!" while being hunted by the women from
the south cluster of offices.
Then an answering shout, "Save yourself Padawan I've got my own
problems." and another stampede of man hungry women thundered by my
door.
Yoda sighed and shook his head, "Stayed at the temple they should have.
Dangerous for them to be alone with that many women. Perform they want
them to all the time."
"Well time is money. So let's get to work. Those two are Jedi they can
save themselves or perform themselves into a coma. I've got over 2000
spread sheet and databases that have to be updated. Not to mention 500
communications I need to have typed up. So lets get started." she said
after realizing that she was going to be able to order around a Jedi
Master. 'Pity those other two were being hunted, they might have been
fun.' She thought.
The office manager noticed that around mid morning Yoda was grooming his
fingers at the desk. I went out to ask him to get me a extra strength
double quad latte, extra sweet, and triple chocolate.
"Busy I am." He said grooming his fingers while typing the
communications and entering the database and spreadsheet information
using the Force. "Your own refreshment you must seek. Since going that
way you are a Jedi sized iced mocha I would like." He said waving his
hand in front of my face.
The rest of the day passed well Yoda was actually carving a dent in the
mountain of paperwork. About an hour before the work day ended he came
in to my office. "An error you made." He pointed to two columns.
"Correct them you must and authorize the change before turned in it can
be." I quickly made the changes and took the papers back to his desk.
Then the door flew open and the two Jedi from earlier rushed in the
younger one slammed the door shut moving a chair to brace it. While the
older one slid on his knees the tattered remains of his dark brown Jedi
cloak flapping behind him, "Master help us you are our only hope."
The younger Jedi also looked pleadingly to Yoda, "Please Master Yoda.
Those women are from the Dark Side."
"Obi-Wan, from the Dark Side they are not. Deprived of men they are.
Temptation to them you both are. Reason for you to stay at the Temple
this was." Yoda scolded rapping his cane on the floor.
"Master we will listen to your wisdom from now on in this matter." The
middle aged Jedi groveled. "Please get us out of here alive."
"One condition I ask. You and your padawan, help me you must to finish
the work." Yoda said.
"Yes, anything." They all but shouted.
"Obi-Wan spreadsheets do you will. Qui-Gon databases your task it is.
Communications finish I shall." Yoda ordered.
The office manager was surprised that the work was finally caught up in
a matter of minutes with three Jedi busily working away at multiple
entries at once.
"Done we are Ms Hothson leave for the day we will." Yoda told the
manager.
"How will we escape the lust driven horde outside, O wise Jedi Master."
Qui-Gon said the last bit sarcastically.
Yoda didn't put up with that tone from his former Padawan and thwacked
Qui-Gon's shins with his walking stick. "Pay attention on Amazonia you
should have instead of doing what you did." To Obi-Wan he said, "In the
infirmary for a month, he was. Extreme exhaustion, luckily Jedi he was.
His actions another would have killed."
"Master, my Padawan doesn't need to know about that planet," Qui-Gon
said rubbing his sore shin.
"Then next time my warning you will listen. Humph." Yoda said hitting
his stick on the ground. "Miss your help need we will." He said to Ms
Hothson.
The crowd outside the door were soon treated to a half hour of moans,
groans, and some 'oh yes more you Jedi stud you.' Ten minutes after
the last obviously orgasmic screams a very sated looking Relyn Hothson
stepped out with a rumpled Yoda who was pushing a cart containing all
the spreadsheet and database printouts.
"Where are the other two? We followed them to this door." One of the
women demanded.
"Not in _my_ office. Just me and this masterful Jedi, and I'm taking
this one home." Relyn said seductively caressing the tips of Yoda's
ears, making him purr. "You're welcome to look in there just put
everything back the way it was."
Yoda and Relyn left pushing the cart until they reached the archive room
where the two other Jedi squirmed out of the cart.
"Thank you, we both are in your debt." Qui-Gon said before he and
Obi-Wan left to return to the temple.
"See you tomorrow I shall." Yoda said as they left the building.
"Yes, just make sure those two Jedi of yours truly stay at the temple.
My throat couldn't take another act like that. Even if it was a good
trick." She laughed remembering how her and Yoda had 'performed' for the
crowd outside the door. Sitting across from each other not even
touching. Some people were so gullible.
The End